I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
