Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
