Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Houston, we have a blender
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
