My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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