HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
