Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
