Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
