Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
