Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
