I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
