I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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