is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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