Fuck appropriateness.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
