i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
