its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
