haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
