dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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