My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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