so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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