We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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