my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
