**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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