Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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