...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
