i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
