my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
