i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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