this must be what syphilis tastes like
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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