can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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