I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
