Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
