How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
bring money and cleavage
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
