the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
