You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
