my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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