just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
