I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
