My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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