Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I need a beard to bite.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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