UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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