I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
