Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
