get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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