it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
