I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
