I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
