Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
