Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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