You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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