who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt