I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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