so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
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Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier