Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is wine microwaveable?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.