We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.