i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
