He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
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It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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