when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
