I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
