...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
