The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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