Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize