wrigley field is MILF paradise
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
