I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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