he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
