I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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