well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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