She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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