just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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