I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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