I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
