I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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